Are You Dealing with a Competitive Person?

Are You Dealing with a Competitive Person?

Sorry, the question I actually want to ask is: ‘Why did Cain kill Abel?’

If you did a little ‘Christian Religious Knowledge’ course in high school, you’d probably agree with me that the latter question is much simpler than the former. The simple answer is that Cain was envious, jealous and resentful towards Abel. To put it in a more modern and direct way, Cain was a dangerously competitive person.

Cain must have thought his offering of ‘the fruit of the ground’ was his best, however God wasn’t exactly pleased. In contrast, Abel seemed to have paid added attention in selecting and presenting to God the choicest offering; ‘the firstborn of his flock and of their fat’. God’s response to Cain feeling sullen after his gift was rejected, clearly communicates God’s preference for Abel’s offering;

“So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” Genesis 4:6-7. NKJV

Obviously God’s rejection of Cain’s offering added to whatever underlying resentment he previously felt towards his brother.

Competitiveness is often a reflection of deep seated insecurities, an underlying, sometimes subconscious believe that someone else is better than you. It can also be an indication of lack of clarity of personal purpose, giftings and strengths.

Competitive people are not just ambitious for their own personal good, no, they overtly or covertly strive to be more successful than others. They have a strong desire, drive to win or be better than others.

Competitive persons exhibit a pattern of behaviour associated with high achievements, impatience, and passive aggression. Some of their negative sides include; intentionally talking down on someone else’s achievements, finding fault in almost everything and being highly critical. Competitive persons may appear quiet, friendly, unassuming while quietly scheming to outshine others. Attempting to project an image reflecting their perceived or desired status, they often end up as pathological liars.

I find it very troubling that Cain would go ahead and kill Abel after God warned him of an impending danger. How does someone end a discussion with God and immediately proceed to committing murder? Extreme bitterness, uncontrolled resentment,
untamed envy, competitiveness gone too far. And sadly, sadly, sadly, Cain’s action communicates godlessness and lack of reverence for God. If you ask me, this was God’s main problem with Cain; he lacked the fear of the Lord.

Living a life devoid of reverence for God opens the doorway to being competitive because it is impossible to identify and fulfill purpose where a regard for God is lacking. And where one’s purpose in life is not defined, another person’s progress seems like a threat.

Competing with oneself for personal development is not a bad thing, as long as you are kind to yourself and not overly critical. However competing to be better than someone else is dangerous for so many reasons, 2 of which include;

1. By using someone else as benchmark, a competitive person subconsciously puts a lid on his/her achievements or attainment in life.
2. Competing with your friends, spouse or family members can have a destructive effect on your relationship.

To become less negatively competitive, you need to define your strengths, identify your purpose, be confident of your giftings, be proud of who you are, be more God-focused.

If you are dealing with a competitive person,

1. Be liberal with compliments
2. Celebrate their achievements loudly; make a big deal out of
3. Find ways to make them a part of your success story, acknowledge their contributions no matter how small.
4. Manage your expectations as per how much gratitude than can express towards you because they are already operating from a point of inadequacy. So for them recognizing that you are better in any way further robs them of personal worth.

Dealing with a competitive person? Be wise, be smart, be sensitive, be vigilant…..

Enjoy the weekend…

AboutGrace Obomanu

Grace obomanu is a Christian Blogger and Founder; 'Grace Obomanu Foundation'. Grace is an inspiring writer who intentionally projects the truth of God's word by sharing simple yet profound truths from the Bible. She writes with a revelational thrust, sharing wisdom, insights relatable to everyday living with particular emphasis on Victorious Christian Living. Her foundation, a non-profit trustee, continues to make impact, adding value to people's lives through outreaches, mentorship, bible teachings and counseling, partnerships. Grace has a diploma in Ministerial Training (with emphasis on Spiritual Leadership from Rhema Bible Training Center Nigeria. She trained as a medical doctor and has years of experience in Health Systems Management. She also holds a master's degree in Public Health from the University of Liverpool.