Ever felt like people just don’t like you and you don’t know why?

A few years ago, one of the Directors I worked with, called me to advice that I needed to spend a lot of time praying for myself as he perceived that so many people didn’t like me so much.

That is a prayer that never happened.

If somebody that is supposed to report to you, asks you to help him write and submit his team report (to yourself) simply because you both once worked together on the same level, hatred won’t be far when you say no.

If you get into a new position/role and decide to do things the right way, not the usual way, it is futile trying to pray to be loved, prepare to be hated (at least initially, until they can feel and see the love of Christ in you).

John 15: 18-19 isn’t a new scripture to me but as I read it again this time,  I was shocked at how much hatred Jesus experienced while on earth.

“If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”                            John 15:18‭-‬19 NKJV

 

And I ask why?

Why hate a man who came to die for your sins?

Because when you stand out from the crowd, you unknowingly arrogate to yourself some level of superiority.

People hate that!

And as we see in John 7:7, you cannot expect to be loved by a group you’ve clearly dissociated yourself from. So if you choose integrity over mediocrity, it’s likely that a lot of hatred might be waiting for you. The only reason the world hated Jesus according to John 7:7 is because Jesus testified of its evil works.

“The world cannot hate you, but it hates Me because I testify of it that its works are evil.“                         John 7:7 NKJV.

I know there are a lot of ‘Pharisees and Sadducees‘ in Christianity today, people who preach and teach about a lifestyle that is alien to them, living different from what they admonish others to do, but Jesus was nothing like that.  If Jesus saw evil in the world’s way of doing things, then He must have adjudged Himself holy (not a part of this evil).

People don’t want a lot of ‘holier than thou‘ attitude around them. Not even when you’re a Jesus! (Shepherd, Saviour, God-Man).  Naaa

I had a colleague once, we shared office room, who i’d summarize as ‘being unsteady’. Everything anybody did was fine, as long as it bore no personal negative implication. Now, that may not be a bad thing if you want to avoid trouble sometimes, but ‘hello!’ not as a lifestyle. There are times to just rock the boat.  Personally, I am uncomfortable seeking counsel or advice from someone who’s ‘unsteady in his ways’ and that is because, I won’t be sure when you’re saying the truth. I’d rather learn to correct ‘in love’ than not correct at all for fear of losing friendship.

One of the things I’ve learnt walking with God, is that you don’t have to do anything bad or terrible to be hated, sometimes, people are fighting their own demons. Jealousy, strife and envy always usher in hatred and most times (not all the time), you have little or no control over how people feel.

So I don’t pray to be loved by anyone (except by my husband, and that He’d love God too), but in wisdom I’ve learnt to show God’s love to all (haters and lovers), even more towards haters, so that maybe the love of God exuding from me may cancel out their hatred and draw them towards God. 🙂    I constantly pray, that my words and actions would always convey the love of Christ in me.

Giving back hatred is never an option. Jesus still loved and died for  a world that hated him deeply without a cause.

John 7:1-9 provides an intriguing and exciting expository on Jesus’ family life and how much this affected His ministry-if at all. So if you have ever wondered what kind of family relationship Jesus had, look no further, John 7:1-9 got it.

A strong family support system is invaluable in the successful execution of a big project.  When Jesus left Heaven to come save humanity on earth, He embarked on a major project.

As someone who blogs on the Bible, I get all sorts of feedback. Most are positive and encouraging, a few critic my write-ups and it’s always nice to receive these, but there are a few that I prefer to categorize as distracting.  Like the feedback Jesus got from His siblings….

John 7:1-9 reads;

“After this, Jesus traveled around the country of Galilee. He did not want to travel in Judea, because the Jewish leaders there wanted to kill him. It was time for the Jewish Festival of Shelters. So his brothers said to him, “You should leave here and go to the festival in Judea. Then your followers there can see the miracles you do. If you want to be well known, you must not hide what you do. So, if you can do such amazing things, let the whole world see you do them.” Jesus’ brothers said this because even they did not believe in him. Jesus said to them, “The right time for me has not yet come, but any time is right for you to go. The world cannot hate you. But the world hates me, because I tell the people in the world that they do evil things. So you go to the festival. I will not go now, because the right time for me has not yet come.” John 7:1‭-‬9 ERV

Some Jewish leaders often frowned at Christ’s confidence and skill (expertise) with teaching the Word of God, which many times was at variance with regular Jewish teachings and interpretations. Some other person’s however, did more than frown.  For instance, Herod wouldn’t stop looking out for ‘The King of the Jews’ (an obvious threat to his throne), to quietly eliminate him.

If you ask me, it’s probably ‘okay’ to think about hatred towards Jesus coming from Herod and some selfish Jewish hypocrites, but not from Jesus’ own brothers!

According to John 7:1, Jesus had decided it was best to keep away from Judea. He knew he’d be killed there and it just wasn’t the right time.  Needless testing God’s ability to protect Him by walking into an obvious trap, which was what attending the  upcoming Feast of Tabernacles (FoTs) would mean. But His brothers wouldn’t let Him be….

“So his brothers said to him, “You should leave here and go to the festival in Judea. Then your followers there can see the miracles you do. If you want to be well known, you must not hide what you do. So, if you can do such amazing things, let the whole world see you do them.” John 7:2-4 ERV 

As harmless as Jesus’ brothers’ proposition may seem, they meant nothing of the words they spewed. If anything, they were being sarcastic, clearly ridiculing Jesus’ ministry.  In fact, they didn’t want Jesus anywhere around them, His presence seemed a threat.

They were taunting Jesus; mockingly informing him that ‘his miracles’ were at best, only seen in Galilee. They were saying Jesus is not widely known and he’s not making impact (verses 2-4). He is not popular. The world isn’t feeling what he’s feeling. He’s in his own cocoon!

Yes the Feast of Tabernacles was at hand, but was it their place to impress it on Jesus to attend? Did they understand that Judea could mean death for Jesus? Were they intentionally pushing him into danger? Or was this Satan at work again?

We are told, explicitly, in John 7: 5 that Jesus’ brothers didn’t believe in His ministry……

“Jesus’ brothers said this because even they did not believe in him” 

Why is this so? Could they not see His miracles?

My thoughts….

They may have been struggling with some inferiority complex.

It would be much safer if Jesus would simply remain their big brother and nothing special or supernaturally gifted. Being supernaturally gifted would mean Jesus was different and maybe superior.  Isn’t this the same Jesus they grew up with, ate with, played with, bathed with, etc?  Familiarity!

Reminds me of Jacob’s 12 sons and how they sold off Joseph out of hatred.

As a Christian, sometimes, people abhor your presence. They make it very clear that they don’t like you. And if you care to check, you wouldn’t find explanations for their stance. In this kind of scenario, it may be safe to keep your distance, but should you give back hate?

Last night, an older friend of mine called, sounding really sad. Some young folks have spread negative tales about her and as a Christian, these were troubling. This is my response; ‘This may be an opportunity to re-evaluate oneself or somehow, Satan is uncomfortable‘.

Earlier today, another older woman forwarded a post to me on social media which read: “Life is short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t“.  I immediately forwarded Matthew 5:44 to her and I knew I needed to tidy this blog-post and share (been on it for weeks!).

Jesus tells us as Christians, to expect to be hated by the world and that is not difficult to understand. Do not expect to be accepted by the world if you are a constant reminder of its evil works.

But hey! that’s the WORLD.  What happens when you feel hatred from within the family? I mean God’s family….from Believers. How should you react?

Jesus’ brothers were not Believers right, but they were family. So how did Jesus handle them? How did He handle treacherous Judas?

Jesus died for one and all. He loved everyone the same. It is unlikely that Jesus would let His brothers in on all His thoughts and plans (except they were His disciples), but He didn’t hate them, neither did He write them off completely.

“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate  you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in Heaven, for He makes His sun rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”  Matthew 5:44 NKJV

So when you feel hated,  Love.  When you feel used unfairly, Love. When you feel persecuted, Love.  When the world mocks you, Love. When brethren ‘laugh’ at your calling, Love.

Be like Jehovah your Father, who does not discriminate between evil and good people.

Be wise, realize that it is important to understand people’s mindset before you can successfully help them.  LOVE.

Be humble, remember that he that must win a soul must be wise.

 

My love ALWAYs

 

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One of the days I look forward to with excitement is my birthday. And guess what I do every year on my birthday? … nothing! ?

My expectations and the greatest source of my excitement for every 18th February is that friends and family would send goodwill messages and I truly love reading them.

Two years ago, I had an overwhelming experience of people sending beautiful birthday messages. Naive me, I thought it was because I’d just started ‘Talk with Grace Obomanu’ and my influence had grown, nope, I was wrong. Facebook like other social media platforms, creates an avenue for everyone to feel special on their birthday. Good job!

The next year, 2017, wasn’t any different. The calls and messages start trickling in from midnight like people are on some night watch. Amazing!
Thought you heard me say I looked forward to this day? Yep! but not in the dimension the social media platforms bring it.

So for 2018, I was proactive. As friends started at least a month before February 18 reminding me of my upcoming birthday, I seized same opportunity to beg them that I wanted it quiet. No long loving note from my author husband, no pictures on my wall thanking God for adding another year to my age. Just wanted calmness all around and it came that way….mostly.

What changed, you ask? deep concerns…
1. The thought of sending out personalized responses to every message like I’d love to was scary.
2. Spending the entire day on my phone answering calls or typing responses to lovely messages from friends and family……..absolutely distressing love! ?.

Will you send me a birthday message next year? ☺. I hope so. Looking forward to reading and responding to all of them.

In spite of all my worries and concerns, there were a few special messages I looked forward to and prayed they’d come. So it was not an entirely boring day as you may be thinking,  nope I had expectations. Just not the usual thing.

I’d prayed for a specific number of persons to call, text or message (without being reminded or coerced) stating tangible ways I’d impacted their lives ?.

It was a very quiet day for me, …this could go any way, I thought. Would be shocked, disappointed and sad at the end of the day or would I be overjoyed? Should I have set any targets at all? What if the feedback I expected didn’t come? Have I set myself up for a big surprise?

As the hours passed, I had my phone in one hand and a jotter and pen in the other. One, two, three, ..seven….ten…., the numbers kept going up and didn’t stop until my target was reached. Wow!
Praise God.

I was thankful. This was a most fulfilling birthday experience. And you know the most exciting part? These messages that added up to my target actually came from people who I’d gone out of my way to show love at one point or the other through an act or gesture.

You know what I am going to do next year? Set a higher target. And that means I must increase my investment into others in the next 10 months.

I sign off most of my articles and sometimes text messages, with ‘love always’ and I really mean that. It’s ‘love always’ because you do not need a reason to love, otherwise it won’t be agape anymore.

“But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you”.
Luke 6:27 NKJV.

“My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth”.
I John 3:18 NKJV.

Love is not just words.
Love is not hidden.
Love is not just thoughts
Love is what you do.

Welcome back again!

In part 2, we discussed God’s ‘1 man-1 woman plan’ for marriage. God gave Adam (AN ) Eve, not more than one woman. Eve must have therefore been built to adequately cater for Adam’s sexual needs.

Once again, I recently engaged 2 middle-aged men in a discussion to find out why men cheat on their wives. Below were their response:

1. Wives often claim they are tired and would rather rest than indulge
2. Wives ignore/abandon them and focus on the children
3. Wives pay little or no attention to personal care and their physical appearances and so are unappealing.
4. Some wives are terrible home-makers and the man only manages to sneak in, sleep and jump off as early as he cans.
5. Some wives are really troublesome and so unpleasant companions.

Interesting! Do you notice that from the man’s perspective, the woman is the trouble. These husbands have no role to play in their sexual experience with their wives!

I wonder what kind of responses wives would give about their husbands!

I enjoyed listening to these men talk, but wasted no time in telling them they have no excuse whatsoever to commit adultery.

And that’s exactly the problem. Some christian men unlike Joseph in the Bible, lack the fear of The Lord. They do not see sex outside of marriage as sin against God (their spouse and their own bodies). Their focus is on following their desires and quenching their passions.

Secondly, these men appeared oblivious of their role as heads of their homes.

Questions: Do you quickly and swiftly acquire another child because the one you have is not satisfying your fatherly yearnings? Do you abandon your faulty car and buy another simply because you entered it, put on the ignition and it just refused to move? Do you create a new ‘You’ ( a new individual) because your attempts at becoming successful in whatever area of life, proved abortive?

Then why would a man think that the solution to not being satisfied sexually by his spouse is to seek another woman?

Is it not possible that you are simply being controlled by unbridled and uncontrolled desires and passion?

Hey! my christian brother, you may be swimming in lust and accepting the simplest meaningless excuse.  Is it possible that if you invest the time, energy and commitment you make towards chasing another woman on your wife, that your relationship with her could be better?  Did you ever consider discussing your ‘sexual challenges’ with your wife? Did you ever mention to her that you are at the brink of adultery and you needed her attention and help? Or are you also like an elderly man i met recently who thinks women should not be made to feel too important otherwise they start misbehaving? PRIDE?

Think on these things beloved. Think on them.

How well do you rely on God to run your life/home? Do you allow God the slightest chance to be at WORK in you as seen in Philippians 2:13 (AMP)

For it is (not your strength, but it is) God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work (that is, strengthening energizing and creating in you the longing and ability to fulfill your purpose) for His good pleasure.”  

A selfless love of one’s wife as admonished by the Bible in Colossians 3:19, requires a denial of some of personal desires and wants. Consider for a second what your unfaithfulness and infidelity would mean to your wife…..you are not alone in this world oh! married man!

“Husbands love your wives (with an affectionate sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them) and do not be embittered or resentful toward them (because of the responsibilities of marriage).”

Brother, fear God, keep your marriage vows to honor your spouse, be selfless and seek mutual benefits for you and your spouse. One woman is what God gave man, and one woman is good enough.

Stay blessed and away from sin.

My love always..

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A few days ago, a senior colleague engaged me in an interesting discussion. He thinks I am a ‘really nice person‘ but he’s concerned that I might struggle in big leadership positions in the future if I continue being so nice.    Hmmm.

My response didn’t help him at all. I tried to remind him of times (in the recent past) when I have been described as high-handed by people in our organization. I have tried being autocratic, being democratic, and I think am finding a balance. He didn’t think I’ve found any balance. In his opinion, I am tilted too much towards democratic leadership.

Reminds me of something someone said to me in my university days; ‘don’t be too sweet or you’ll be leaked out of existence’. Another person made me pull out my dictionary when she said; Grace you’re unassuming/ you have no airs’.

Not too long ago, it was my birthday, and of all the many calls and goodwill messages I received, a particular phone call did touch me deeply. A colleague called and said to me; ‘wow! you’re being celebrated everywhere.I just had to call you today. You are such a nice person and all these celebration of your birthday is simply a response to all the love and care you give out’.

I have to say that apart from my husband’s birthday message to me this year, and yes, my little 5+year old spent the night making different birthday cards for me, 🙂 , this lady’s message was God’s special gift to me. Why so?

There was a time in my life, not too long ago, when I would recite Galatians 5:22, that; “The fruit of the spirit is fully evident in my life; I have love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, gentleness and self-control”.    I so much wanted to communicate God’s love to others through my decisions, actions and interactions.

My husband tells me I have grown/matured   🙂

Yeah, I can see areas where more changes must happen in my life, but I am so glad that God’s spirit is at work in me and the fruit of the spirit is becoming evident for others to see and testify.

So I have chosen to see the positives in what my senior colleague said. I’ll continue to love and show kindness. I’ll be firm when I need to be but still do it in love. I’ll make greater progress (by the Spirit of God) in exercising self-control, patience and gentleness. But I do not want to be anything else than what God wants me to be.

I believe the word of God in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, which says; that love conquers all things and love never fails (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8).

I can never be too nice for the Spirit.

I will be considerate, sensitive, show empathy and still be courageous, brave and confident. #Nice/Tough.

 

 

Torat Moshe, also known as the Torah, is traditionally believed by the Hebrews to have been written by Moses. The Torah refers to the first five books of the Hebrew Bible. These books are replete with God’s laws handed down to Moses and Moses’ teachings based on them. Generally, adultery was considered a hideous offense throughout the Torah.

Much as every adult knows how impossible it is to have an accusation of adultery solely laid on one individual, the punishment meted out to an adulterous woman going by the Torah came nothing close to what the male counterpart received.  The society did more than frown at it, she must be stoned to death.

In John 8:11, Jesus seemed to have reacted differently and contrary to expectations, to an adulterous woman.

“….neither do I, said Jesus, ‘Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.” 

Jesus discharged and acquitted a woman condemned by law to death!

Let us not rewrite the Bible in a hurry just yet. Is adultery an offense?  YES it is,  before man and God!   So did Jesus not act contrary to God’s laws in John 8:3-11? Were the people not right in their accusations?

It may be true that your wife deeply indulged in adultery to the point that she offered her body generously to men at no good price. And that your boss has decided to keep you ‘under’ because he is intimidated and threatened by God’s glory o’re you. It may have also happened that your husband recently threw you and you 6 months old baby out of the house, preferring a younger woman.  Or your parents really don’t give a hood where you are, what you do or how you do it.

In all of this , what does God expect of you…..and I?

This article was informed by one of my recently discovered near favorite scriptures in the Bible, 🙂  Colossians 3:2;

“And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth.”   (Amplified Bible, Classic Edition-AMPC).

Look at that scripture one more time; is it any obvious that Believers have a choice to act differently in situations were they can legitimately apply the law?

Is it possible to be like Jesus Christ before Pontius Pilate and be given opportunity to exonerate ourselves from false accusations and yet choose not to, because of a secondary gain to another?  (Selah).

What are the ‘Higher things’ being referred to in Colossians 3:2?

Am sorry to say it is not Tithing & Offering, as we’ve all been taught in recent times. Jesus classed Mercy, Justice and Faith as the Weightier Matters (Matthew 23:23). The Tithe is a Command from God, you just do it. And your offering is expected as a sign of gratitude. God expects it. However, mercy, justice and faith to me are reflections of a believer’s spiritual growth and maturity. And Agape Love envelopes these 3 attributes!

Now if you think the story of the adulterous woman in John 8 is too archaic to be true, then please patiently read through the following brief real life issue:

A man’s wife was neck-deep in adultery to the point that she didn’t need any man to chase her, she personally made advances at men without struggle and offered her body freely without requesting any form of compensation or payment.

Did I hear you say demonic influence?  Well, demonic influence or personal choice, the humbling and yet liberating part for me remains that this woman’s husband chose to forgive her and take her in as though nothing happened in the first place! I mean Matthew 19:9, offers this man an opportunity to separate from his wife if he chooses to even if only to protect himself from contracting sexually transmitted diseases or gaining a personal gratification having been treated badly or just to ensure his wife suffers for her wicked acts.

Pause please….

Could there possibly be a secondary gain of forgiving this woman assuming she is willing to change her ways? Could she like the adulterous woman in John 8, become wholly yielded to Christ, or like Mary Magdalene, never leave the Master’s side?

Isn’t it much more profitable spiritually if one wicked, mean, sinful, wife, boss, colleague, child or whosoever, submitted to God and to His ways?

These are higher thoughts and they attract higher gains. They don’t come naturally, but requires complete disconnection from the senses. They are supernatural choices that bring supernatural rewards.

Colossians 3:15 instructs us thus;

“And above all these {put on} love and enfold yourselves with the bond of perfectness (which binds everything together completely in ideal harmony). And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts {deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds in that peaceful state} to which as (members of Christ’s) body you were also called (to live). And be thankful (appreciative) {giving praise to God always}.” Amplified Bible, Classic Edition.

It was an unusual kind of love that kept Jesus mute before Pilate, choosing instead to die than be acquitted of wrong doing.

Agape is the highest form of love, the kind of love that God has for man and sent Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners. agape is unconditional, does not consider acts done (positive or negative), does not rely on feelings or emotions, it transcends the natural and loves when there’s no reason to love.

We cannot continue with an ‘eye for an eye’ approach to life, neither can we continue to seek personal gratification in every situation; constantly wanting to appear smart, well learned/schooled and in control of everything and everyone at every time.

There’s a ‘yielding’ to God’s spirit necessary to execute and sustain higher things.

When the adulterous woman said to Jesus, ‘none of her accusers condemned her, she also seemed to be saying to Jesus; ‘do you Lord? Jesus did not condemn her, instead He told her and those around her how not to continue to walk in darkness (or indulge in any kind of sin, including adultery)…

“Then Jesus spoke to them again saying, ‘I am the light of the world. He who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” John 8:12 NKJV.

Whether you’re in the position of the accused or accuser, following The Light (Jesus Christ) guarantees that we continue to walk in The Light of Life, so that we live life to its fullest (John 10:10). That is the only way to stay away from adultery and all forms of sin, and to continuously illuminate others with agape. In The Light, Jesus Christ!

 

Help us Dear Lord Jesus Christ to always recognize and prioritize kingdom gains above personal gains in Jesus Name. Amen.