Parents have a responsibility to groom their sons into men, and their young girls into women who are adequately equipped to take on the unceasing challenges life throws at everybody. The story of Eleanor and Ernest as narrated below are pointers to the kind of gaps that are becoming quite rampant in young homes where men still behave like boys, expecting to be nursed and provided for….

Eleanor was barely 26 years old when she met Ernest at a friend’s birthday party 6 years ago. They hit it off immediately. Ernest was handsome, charming and trendy. He was nothing like the hungry looking ‘church brothers’ that often hung around her emitting nearly choking smells from their buccal cavity or underarms. Thinking back, Eleanor wondered again what gave them the impetus to approach her in the first place. Had she looked desperate for a life partner back then? Right now, she wasn’t sure if any of those ‘unpleasant brothers’ wouldn’t have made a better husband than Ernest.

Ernest was born into a Nigerian middle class home. His parents were both medical doctors who excelled in their different specialties through dedicated studying and hard-work over the years. Due to his parents’ very busy schedule and absence from home most days, Ernest and his siblings were practically raised by maids who were frequently absent themselves…..avoiding the huge responsibility of running the home and raising 3 highly energetic boys. The children lacked proper discipline as the maids were quite young, needing care and attention themselves and lacking the authority to enforce good conduct in the home!

Ernest parents provided everything he and his 2 younger brothers wanted and ensured they attended the best schools in town. Their schools never ranked lower than 5^th among the best paying schools.  But as it turned out none of them made it past a 2-2 upon graduation from college.

As things are now, all attempts by Ernest to secure another job has proved abortive. Although his previous employer related his being laid off to the slump in global economy, rumor has it that his replacement was hired almost immediately.  Ernest had started his own real estate business with its very seasonal income but things aren’t moving as smoothly as he expects. His frustration has become so much that he spends a lot of time hanging out with friends at the club, or taking complete possession of the TV and video remotes, allowing little or no time for his kids to see their favorite cartoons.

The last time Eleanor received housekeeping money from Ernest was 4 years ago, exactly a year after their marriage. She has had to pay all their bills from her menial job, with some support from her own family to sort out tuition fees for their 3 kids. Ernest has basically exhibited no sense of responsibility to his duty as a husband or father.

Many times, Eleanor has come very close to quitting her marriage and moving out with her kids. Not only is Ernest not concerned with providing for the home, but he comes home drunk and drenched in sweats most nights, without proper explanation of his activities. Her friends have more than once insinuated that he may be having extra-marital affairs…..

 

 

Ernest’s lack of sense of responsibility to his family can be easily traced to failure on the part of his parents to cultivate in him core home making skills. Eleanor can claim that Ernest is being mean and heartless, but the truth is Ernest does not know how to act differently.

Proverbs 22:6 says;

“train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”. NKJV

Parents must realize that the little boys they have today are future husbands (and fathers) and commit resources to equipping them for those roles. If all your son does all day is play games and watch TVs, you are only creating an outlook to life that will be followed through.

I have often been saddened seeing fathers shout, scream and even get physical with their sons for acts they themselves are guilty of, forgetting that children are highly observant and learn a lot by example.

Training a child demands a parent’s time, attention and energy. A parent needs to be physically available to train a child. If you leave your children solely in the care of maids, I am afraid they may grow up with a servant mentality, constantly delivering below your expectations and depending on you for their livelihood.

Boys should be brought up with a consciousness that they have a duty to provide for their families. They must understand that being a man means responsibility more than respect, and a responsible husband/father would seldom demand respect! It flows naturally.

And if you are reading this and you are a man struggling with challenges similar to Ernest’s, you can start over again. It is never too late to learn.

Shalom!